What Does It Feel Like To Feel Like I Feel Like?

Do you see the desperation in my eyes?  Can you see my want?  That loss of confidence makes you wonder.  What has caused this pain but it is only love.  My awe at my mistake, that ignorance of pain that has caused my look.  Now it manifests inside me all the deeper.

Am I paranoid?  I have laid myself bare to you and now you know me.  I would rather show my true self in all its frailty and wrong so that you will understand my recovery and witness a building strength so strong it will make you realise there is nothing to be afraid of.  Everything happens for a reason.  I am not paranoid.

I can be successful at anything.  Nothing is beyond me.  Nothing but love.  Trying to capture that has been a mistake.  Love cannot be controlled yet it does not control us.  More it guides us.  Fail to listen to it, to listen to that centre in yourself, and it will happily let you drift.  Take comfort in its existence for there is nothing so real.

It’s time to reach out.  Confusion is leaving me to be replaced with something new.  My excitement is tempered by my experience.  What can life possibly hold now for me?  How do I feel these things?  Am I an open wound to you?  My questions are endless but now I no longer pretend to know the answers.

I venture forward with open eyes.  I don’t want to expect.  I want to live in the moment.

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